It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
