I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize