We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
