I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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