I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize