Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
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