I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
