I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
