i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I want to be your penis for a week.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
