dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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