I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
