Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
