wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
