He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
