quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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