he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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