"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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