I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
