just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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