i was born a porn star she said
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You had me at "let me see your balls"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
