I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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