Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Never joke about your clitoris.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
