how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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