i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
