It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
