I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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