I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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