What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
