After last night, I could never be a politician.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize