The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
