I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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