The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
