hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
