I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
