apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
