you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
