There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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