Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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