i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
