Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Do vagina's smell?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
