i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
