Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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