He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
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