I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
