Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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