Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize