You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
