Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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