she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
