New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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