Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
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