I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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