so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
do nipples grow back?
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