I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
