the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
