So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
honey bunches of taint.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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