He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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