how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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