i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
