Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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