she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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