If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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