I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
