The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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