In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
