my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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