we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
