Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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