I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
My vagina is officially offended.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
