I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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