Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
