I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
