"it" just moved
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
