Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
how does that bad decision feel?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
