Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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