White coat. Heels.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
