I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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