If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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