he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
