I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
