the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
This is the high leading the old right now
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
