Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
