I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
