Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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