i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
