The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
The best revenge is premature balding
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize